HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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