3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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