his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
