DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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