The maid of honor just puked.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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