You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
