His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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