good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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