did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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