cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
