my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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