Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
