please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
