Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
