am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize