why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
