She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
