I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
