Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
