Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
