i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
