haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
