I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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