do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
