We're facebook friends in real life
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
