You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
