i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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