he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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