I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
