Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
