he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I don't think brook has ever known best
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I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
FUCK WHALES
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