i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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