What a fucking waste of an outfit
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
