is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
