I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
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