My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize