i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
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Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
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Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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