How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
