Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
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MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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