How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
