The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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