I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
