why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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