She's JV to your varsity
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
