my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
