And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize
