Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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