you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
