we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
