I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
