Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
