Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
