I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
