Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
