I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
