You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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