I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
