Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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