New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize