dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
