so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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